Dear Sarah,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two months. At first, the sex was great. We could go for hours and hours and couldn’t wait to take each other’s clothes off. But recently he’s started “limping out” on me. I’ve tried giving him hand jobs and blowjobs, and I just can’t get his penis up. Is there something wrong with me?

-Unpenetrated and Unsure

Dear Unpenetrated and Unsure,

This is one of the few scenarios where “it’s not me, it’s you” is actually true—the erectile dysfunction is your boyfriend’s problem.

Erectile dysfunctions happen more frequently than people think (most men will experience it by the time they hit their 50s)—you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. There are many different culprits that could cause this bout of flaccidity.

Lifestyle factors such as cycling, tobacco use, excessive drinking and drug use (both prescribed and recreational) can impact a penis’ ability to stand tall and proud. Additionally, if your boyfriend is really old (in his 60s), he is four times more likely to have trouble getting it up. Psychological factors such as stress, anxiety or depression may also contribute to your soft little friend.

That being said, talk to your boyfriend. Find out if he is under stress right now, cycling excessively, smoking too many drugs, or suffering from performance anxiety. It’s going to be a work in progress, but I have faith that the two of you can get it on.

If all else fails, buy a vibrator.

Happy erecting,

-Sarah

 
Dear Sarah,

There’s this guy at school that I’ve been crushing on since last year. It’s my final year now and I’m pretty sure it’s his final year too. I want to ask him out so bad, but I’m also a guy—I don’t know if he is gay or not. He’s just such a cute, nerdy, skinny guy. I don’t want to put him in an awkward situation, but every now and then, I catch him looking at me. I don’t know if he is checking me out or just looking at me because I was looking at him. I don’t have big enough balls.

-Boning for the Boy

Dear Boning for the Boy,

Firstly I have to tell you that I hate the expression “big enough balls.” The size of your testicles should never dictate your ability to live your life to its fullest.

While I am no expert on hitting on homosexual men, I can give you the same advice that I would give to any person trying to gauge the interest of a potential prospect: just because you like someone, it doesn’t mean you need to immediately date or hop into bed with him/her. Friendship is an excellent foundation for romance.

I’d suggest that you talk to your crush, or even simply acknowledge him when you catch him gazing in your direction. From there, you can work at becoming acquaintances, and then friends. Remember, bromance can lead to romance. By the time you reach the friend-level, you’ll probably have a good idea of how his sexuality swings. And even if he is straight, you will have acquired a good-looking skinny heterosexual friend—we all need more of those. It’s a win-win situation.

But for your sake, I hope he is gay.

-Sarah