Dear Sarah,

This is my first year of college and I am a total novice at dating. High school was so easy because I knew everyone so I could always just hook up at parties. Please help me out. Where are the best places to scope out girls at SAIT? How should I go about approaching college girls?

-Searching and Hopeless

Dear Searching and Hopeless,

You really are hopeless. This is college—the girls are now ladies (at least, I hope you’re not on the prowl for a girl).

College is quite different in comparison to high school as you’ll find there is a lot less drama and people tend to be much more open-minded. My suggestion is to hang out in one of the common areas (the Senator Burns Building is a personal favourite of mine, but the Heart Building is also satisfactory). Obviously, I suggest bringing some friends with you to avoid coming across as a lonely girl-hunting psycho. When you see someone who catches your eye, smile at her. Repeat this several days in a row and you should be good to go. If you can’t wait that long, buy her a cup of coffee from Tim Hortons. The key to every college girl’s heart is a free cup of coffee.

Happy hunting,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I just moved into residence and I’m really excited to start going to all of the dorm parties. But I don’t know how to have college sex. I was hoping you could tell me what the acceptable protocol for hooking up at dorm parties is.

-Bed Rocker

Dear Bed Rocker,

College sex is no different than regular sex.

I promise you, the anatomy hasn’t changed and it still works the same way: in and out. Before I tell you about protocol, I’m going to tell you about condoms. Use one, because you are too young to have baby drama. In terms of protocol, I don’t think there is a set way to go about hooking up. Obviously, it’s polite to do it away from the party in the privacy of your own dorm. Public sex is not cool. Also, let your dorm mates know in advance that you might be bringing someone home. It would be awkward to get walked in on mid-intercourse. Lastly, I advise you to pick your hook-ups wisely. Avoid people in the same program as you—you may have to deal with them on a daily basis for the next couple of years. Other than that, anything is game.

Enjoy your sexcapades,
Sarah

Send your questions to the raunchwithsarah@gmail.com