IMAGE BY RYAN HAAK/THE MARTLET

VICTORIA (CUP)—Have you ever noticed that dubstep is kind of like porn? No? Well, think about it.

When someone talks about their interest in dubstep, they’re often given the same looks that people get if they openly discuss their porn obsession. You often hear people use the same adjectives to describe the two, like “dirty,” “hardcore” or “wob-wob” (an equivalent to “fap-fap”).

Both porn and dubstep keep a heavy beat, raise your pulse and get your juices flowing.

I don’t often listen to it, but when I do, I’m generally alone in my room with headphones on. If you’ve ever done the same, you know that it’s a scene reminiscent of a 16-year-old exploring his sexuality in the confines of his man-cave. Your body often gets into the rhythm of the music, moving along with the beat. Then, suddenly, someone walks in and sees you “rocking out.” The person panics, rushes out of the room and closes the door behind them. Now, red-faced for a variety of reasons, you’re left with a tough choice: do you give in to your embarrassment and put your iPod away, or do you pretend it didn’t happen and continue from where you left off?

It’s not much different in a group setting. When you’re hanging out with a group at a friend’s house, someone will inevitably make a joke about either dubstep or porn. That’s when that guy springs to action. That guy is the friend in every group who gets a little too excited. He will grab the closest laptop, put on his favourite song, and spout some pretentious rant along the lines of, “Dude, you have to check out this new Bassnectar track. It’s so filthy, man. Well, it’s not exactly his. It’s a remix of a project that Unicorn Kid did with Jon Gooch a few years back when they were performing at Ibiza.”

After searching through YouTube to find the right version of the track, he jumps up the video quality to 720p, expecting it to sound better though the crappy laptop speakers. As the track starts to pick up, that guy scans the room, waiting for everyone to get as into it as he is. He makes at least one person utterly uncomfortable, but the poor soul doesn’t say anything for fear of making it weird for everyone else. The victim just sits on the side and nods along to the confusing, jargon-riddled conversation happening over the sounds of ’90s computer modems making love. Be considerate—don’t force your friends to listen to dubstep. It gets awkward, just like porn.

The only place that porn is socially acceptable in a group setting is at an orgy, which seems eerily similar to a Skrillex concert. The audience is a mixed bunch. There are people dressed in scandalous clothes and others popping pills to improve their performance and experience. The event goes on into the early hours of the morning, when participants are completely spent and dehydrated. To top it all off, the creepy ringleader is a former emo icon with a haircut that makes you wonder if he has ever owned a mirror.

In the end, dubstep and porn are just two industries offering products and services that allow people to go wild and explore a hidden side of themselves. There will always be a perverted sub-culture to both as they push their popularity into the mainstream for the masses to exploit and get off on.

After all, we’re all just waiting for the drop.